Such a long time since my last post! Reasons? Loads I suppose but the most honest one is I am somewhere inbetween lives and I don't know the destination which means I am doing a lot of not much of anything.
I have made a few jewellery pieces on commission which were very satisfying from the emotional point of view. I enjoyed transforming a unloved inherited piece of jewellery from a beloved relative into something cherished for two friends of long standing.
I've even treated myself to a new wire pattern and created a bracelet in copper. If I could never get the 'zen' of weeding, I do get the 'zen' of wirework. Deep concentration which transfigures me from the wounded and spooked animal into someone who almost looks like the me I was. I enjoy the escape however shortlived.
I've assembled the components to incorporate brass into my artglass and have umpteen potential projects to get on with. But I can't seem to start any of them.
A lot of waiting for things to happen. The guttering needs to be replaced/repaired and I'm waiting for two firms to quote for the work. The damp causing disused chimney stack awaits demolition. Simple things that I am reasonably happy to wait a reasonable time to be completed. It is kind of nice to have that too too small sum of money still in the account performing as 'security blanket' for a little while longer.So Hedgelands will be repaired where it needs it most soon. But the internal debate about how long can I stay here, do I want to stay here tears round my mind like a tornado. What would anyone see when this wild debate is going on - I'm watching tv probably, or trying to take stock of the jewellery (I still haven't been settled enough to start), or maybe posting on one of the bead/jewellery boards. 
Grief, loss, bereavement - deceptively calm words for describing a state of sorrow, distraction, struggle to remain positive, feeling a large part of yourself is lost, knowing that the future is altered forever in a way that you can never make right but must accept, decisions become nearly impossible including little ones like 'what to have for dinner', impatience struggling with the knowledge that time must be given over. . . I could go on but sometimes you have to give yourself a break.
At some point the heart and mind remind you of that promise you made 'to take care of myself, enjoy life and be happy'. I have won a few battles. Time doesn't heal the loss but with time I cope (don't ask me whether I cope well or not as I have no idea). 
Anyway, I've posted a few images of recent creations which I have yet to add to my website or etsy shop. You can see more and bigger images on my flickr.
Michele
